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[quote=Anonymous]I've never been in that situation myself, but work with kids and families professionally.  First off, HUGE kudos to you for recognizing this dynamic and the potential for negative impacts on the "normal" child.  You are way ahead of the game just in the fact that you're noticing and concerned about this.

I guess my advice off the top of my head would be:

1. Don't decide that this will always be the case.  I understand that it's looking that way, but if they're in different grades and at some point possibly end up at different schools, remember that to some degree each is in their own world.  I know when it comes to how many kids want to come to their birthday party, or how many playdates they get invited on, or how strangers react to them, or how other family interact with them, they will always be aware of how they compare to each other.  But school and extra-curricular activities offer an opportunity for them to do their own things in their own circles eventuallly, and you may be surprised at how your "normal" child shines.  Just be sure you don't unintentionally damn that child to "permanent 2nd rate status" based on what you're seeing happen.

2. Keep doing what you're doing in terms of praising both, although sometimes it's good to only praise one at a time.  So if the "child who is always doing really well" gets praised, praise them and let it go.  Then be intentional about finding another time to praise your other child for something and only praise that child at that time.  If you're always adding a praise to the other child after "super kid" gets praised, at some point they'll all catch on and it won't mean much.

3. Keep looking for interests and activities and people that make your other child feel happy.  They don't have to be great at them, just have them feel happy.  It would be great for both of your kids to understand that it's not all about how others praise or recognize you.  If you enjoy something, there is success and accomplishment in just doing that thing.  I love to sing really loud and I sound awful.  But singing makes me happy, so if I can do it when no one is really affected, I enjoy it, and if I were a kid I'd want my parent to see that I like it and nurture it in me for that reason.

4. One of the most profound lessons I've learned in the last few years is about how praise or accomplishment is delivered.  We are so used to talking about how happy/proud we as parents are.  I have tried hard to now emphasize how the accomplishment feels to my child, and ask them how it feels to have worked so hard and not given up, or tried something new, and basically emphasize that the big good thing is that THEY feel good about their accomplishment and that they worked for it.  This helps in a dynamic like yours because hopefullly the seed can be planted and grow strong that it's not really about what others think or how others recognize.  The feeling of recognition and success doesn't only lie within how others praise you.  That can be key for someone who tries their best but usually doesn't stand out.

I'll have to think about what else I've seen work, but that's it off the top of my head.  Sorry it's so long! :)[/quote]

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