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[quote=Anonymous]I found out today that my brother has relapsed. This is not the first time in his 20 year history of drug and alcohol problems. The difference is he now has a job, wife, and children. My SIL has (rightly) kicked him out and will not allow him to live at home with his kids until he is no longer using and in treatment. He's not going to work and not answering texts and calls from family; SIL thinks he is staying with a friend. Over the past few months my instincts told me that he was slipping - angry, unable to cope with everyday stresses, irrationally impatient with all of us.

I've worked very hard to be independent from my loving but enabling parents. My parents care for my brother's kids, provide them with some financial support, and are basically totally enmeshed in their lives.  My mom is heartbroken about everything but also angry - they funded several trips to rehab already. I suggested to my parents that they go to Al-Anon (we did counseling during my teen years and they thought it was useless since my brother never cooperated.) I don't want to distance myself from my family but I"m feeling like I have no capacity to handle the drama. I have my own DH and kids and have tried to shield them from this as much as possible. I'm feeling angry, sad for my SIL and their kids, sad that my bro can't figure out how to be a happy, sober person...it's been 20 years on this roller coaster. How can I still be loving and supportive without getting involved? I've already fielded several calls from my mom and SIL today and I'm so torn.[/quote]

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