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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. DS is currently with his therapist, whom I had emailed an update yesterday. We see a family therapist, but none of us are feeling it with him. DS likes the lady he sees for individual counseling. We thought to keep DS's therapist separate from the family's, but I am wondering if it might be better to have the one therapist oversee both DS as an individual and the family as a unit. If he would be okay with that, would PPs or NPs who've BTDT advise on this?[/quote]

It was difficult for me to understand how to coordinate therapists when we had to see one after my exDH's hypomania and depression from as yet to be diagnosed bipolar.  I think in retrospect, what I would say is that, IME, it doesn't really work well one one therapist has multiple clients with conflicting issues/interests.  So, a therapist who is treating both a MI patient and his family has conflicting responsibilities sometimes to the individual and the family as a unit.  IMO, the therapist who is treating the MI person does better when they integrate family into the MI person's treatment, but it's clear that the MI person is the patient to whom the therapist has responsibility and that the family is being integrated (and educated) as part of the effort to support the MI patient.

I did better when I had a therapist for myself that discussed my exDH's illness and behavior and supported me about that, but it was clear that my therapist didn't have any responsibility to anyone other than me.  I felt more like I was getting the unvarnished truth, and I never wondered what she knew but was withholding.  I also felt that she was recommending what was best for me, and not necessarily encouraging me to do things that were really not in MY interest, but were in the interest of my spouse or the maintenance of the relationship.   Conversely, I'm sure my exDH never worried that his therapist would share something with me that my exDH didn't want to share.  It was clear that his therapist was HIS and would only reveal things with his permission.  (except for the circumstances in which I was reporting changes in mood, which was something that my exDH approved, as I already explained above).

Recently, I went to a therapist with one of my children (for a different issue).  It was clear that the therapist was for my child, but I really liked how the therapist handled the family aspect.  The therapist explained that she would talk to us together first (parent and child) and then talk to each of us separately in case there was anything either one of us didn't feel comfortable discussing in front of the other.  When we came back together at the end of the appointment, she clearly explained her diagnosis and recommendations to both of us.  Of course, this is slightly different than OP's situation because my child is still a minor.  
 
If you have issues as a "family" that are separate from or don't stem from your DS's illness, then I would say it's important to keep a separate family therapist.  If your family issues mostly stem from the illness and how to deal with it, then I would say DS's therapist should be interacting with and educating your family more how to support DS.

Most importantly, if you're not "feeling it" with the family therapist, it's perfectly OK to shop around.  Between my exDH and me, we went thru 6 therapists and/or doctors before we found ones who knew what they were doing and with whom we felt comfortable.  If you are dealing with mood disorder (or anxiety or whatever), you REALLY need to see both psychiatrists AND therapists who specialize in working with mood disordered patients.  I tend to try to stick with PhD therapists who are affiliated with major university systems, as I think they are the best trained and have the most experience and are most up to date with treatment changes (which are happening fast in this field) and they are also most likely to take a wide variety of insurances. 
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