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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

I don't say or indicate there that I am, as you put it above,  "pressuring (my friend) to give up the relationship or stop helping" his brother. Sorry if you misread "I fear it's compromising my friend's own day to day life" as "I think he should stop helping" -- not at all the case. I didn't want to get into details in a post. I'm just concerned that the caregiver brother does not always remember to look after himself well at times. He won't be able to keep helping his brother if he is worn out himself, and it's pretty vital that he be in good enough shape to be there for the MI brother for a long time to come. Caregivers do burn out  -- but I would never "just encourage (him) to let go and give up." I'm so very sorry that you have had the awful experience of people telling you to abandon an MI loved one--that's a tragic statement, coming from the therapists and doctors who said it to you. But that is not at all what I meant regarding my friends.[/quote]

I appreciate your clarification.  You are absolutely right that caregiver burnout is a big problem.  My point is -- it's not that helpful to hand someone a book and say, "I'm worried that you're not taking care of yourself."  There are only so many hours in the day, and when someone says this to us, the only way we can see to take care of ourselves is to spend less time on our loved one.  What IS helpful is to say, "I'm worried that you don't have time to take care of yourself -- let me babysit the kids this Saturday, so you and your spouse can go out and have some downtime to yourselves."  Or "let me bring dinner and watch the kids while you visit with your brother."  Or, "I really think you need to talk to a therapist regularly about your brother.  I'd be happy to babysit (or drive or bring dinner or whatever) so that you have time to do that."  [/quote]

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