Reply to Elderly parents/in-laws: how to help them recognize it's time to move?

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[quote=Anonymous]My husband's parents have lived in the same house for four decades; he's been in the area for at least 50 years, she was born at Sibley Hospital and has never lived outside the DC area.  FIL is in his 80s and in good physical health, but is showing his age with some memory challenges and judgment issues.  MIL is in her early 70s and in terrible health (very limited mobility - like 30 feet and no stairs; breathing is terrible; weighs very little; has incontinence issues; is primarily housebound).  MIL's physical issues mean she lives in a single room in their home that is not a bedroom.  She's acknowledged that she's able to be alone for maybe 4 days at a time, if FIL has set up her meals and a neighbor checks in on her.  It is TIME for them to move.  There are more issues, but let's just say that the home is not a healthy place for them to be.  Think mental health/hoarding issues.

My husband and I moved away from DC a number of years ago, and we're hoping we can get his parents to move to an apartment (ideally, senior living sort of place) in our state, so that we can help them and so FIL can spend more time with our kids, which he seems very much to want to do.  MIL plain old needs help, and I think we're at the point where we need to take some drastic action.  We've tried suggesting a move and showing them some great housing options; offering to help with the packing/sorting/moving process; making impassioned pleas for them to move; and more along the same lines.  MIL is unwilling to leave her house for so much as a dinner out with visiting family (housebound primarily by choice); FIL doesn't want to move to a building filled with a bunch of old people.  If FIL dies, MIL will need to be out of her house in under a week.  She literally cannot care for herself and no amount of home health care (barring 24 hours) would suffice.

What else can we do to help move them along?  Any recommended resources for supporting a move out of the home and into an appropriate residence? I'd especially appreciate recommendations if you've had experience with a particular consultant, support system, agency, etc.  We really want to help them, but they're not ready for help.[/quote]

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