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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I am still un-spooling more than ten years after leaving my ex. I would not recommend this approach, but I dealt with these feelings by getting involved with someone who was largely unavailable for about a decade. I was then spoken for and involved without having someone close. It was a crappy compromise, but hindsight being 20/20, I needed to give myself that kind of safe space. Time and therapy helped a lot. I finally got to a place where I was ready and able to be in a real relationship again, and the above situation ended.

All of this is to say I totally understand where you are coming from.[/quote]

I'm doing this too, the crappy compromise.  I can't believe there's someone else out there!  I've felt so alone.  Also just exited an abusive relationship, and also can only find safety with a man who has clear boundaries making him unavailable for commitment.  The thought of going on a first date is paralyzing.  However, the shame of continuing what I am doing is also starting to undo me.

I've felt like only other men can give me back what my ex-h took from me as far as feeling like a woman that a man would want to be with, not someone who's old, fat, bad body, bad family.  Sorry Op, I really have no advice, other than to say I'm struggling with the same thing.  The guy from middle school seems safe though.  He's someone you've known for a long time, so he seems like he would be easier to trust to not turn into a psycho (btdt, and it's so hard to trust my own judgment now).[/quote]

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