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[quote=Anonymous]DH and I are opposites, but with common life goals. When we first got together it was really fun to be with someone so unlike me. And vice versa. Now, 10 years and one kid later, it doesn't seem like so much fun anymore because we can't stop arguing about our differences. Almost every argument involves blame and it's exhausting.

DH's MO is to automatically blame someone the moment anything goes the slightest bit wrong. After a while, I got so tired of being blamed constantly that I started pointing out when he was actually to blame. Now we're in this vicious cycle and I can't stand the dynamic. He even puts blame on our DS (3) for little things like spilling a bit of water when he's carrying a cup to the table. DH can't stand any kind of mess.

I liked that DH was so self-confident and sure of himself. Now I just see it as being self-centered. He prides himself on keeping our finances in tip-top shape ( not that we're wealthy, he just can account for every penny going in and out). That's great, but he's a control freak in every other way as well. He loves to indulge and makes lots of room in the budget for his own indulgences (constant eating out), which used to be really fun but now his health isn't great and he refuses to change any habits.

I know that we chose each other to make up for the characteristics that we lack in ourselves, but I'm getting to the point where I'm ok with my own pros and cons. All of the walking on eggshells is causing me to put lots of physical and emotional distance between us. I see my own therapist and she has encouraged me to communicate better with DH about this, but I honestly don't think he'll change. In the past he's made an effort for a little bit, but he's not going to change who he is, nor should he necessarily have to.

But I don't know if this wedge between us is too big. Or even if I want to remove it. I feel kind of beaten down and don't want to feel this way for the rest of my life. But the alternative doesn't seem great either, and I would hate to do that to our 3 yo son. DH doesn't believe in therapy and I think if he got the real gist of how I'm feeling he would start to hide assets because he'd be worried I'd leave and take "his" money.

I'm so torn. On the one hand I'm internalizing a lot of this with no productive outlet, but on the other hand I've gotten up the courage to have these types of conversations before and that has still led us to this point.

Advice? Suggestions?[/quote]

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