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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP-MIL and FIL birthdays. It was a joint celebration of ll family with April bday. If no one from mu Husbands generation had been there it would not have been a big deal. But his cousins and their kids were there. Just felt very odd we did not get an invite. Like either purposeful or a completed oversight. Not sure which is worse. Either they did not want us or they literally did not even think about us.

I do try to plan- and it helps. I just struggle because my family is constantly asking for more visits. I always feel wanted and loved. With MIL it justs feels like she has to make time in her busy schedule for us so she can only manage 1-2 visits a year. No phone calls to the kids. No cards in the mail. No small gifts or ways to show us they areinking about us. Literally nothing. [/quote]

OP, are YOU the one who is always trying to get MIL/FIL's attention? Is your husband -- their son -- doing anything to try to get their attention or is it all or mostly your effort?

If he's the one who is driving the contacts, that's good because he, not you, has to be the one who wants it most. But if you are the one driving it, your desire for the MIL to be more attentive may mostly reflect what you expect from parents/grandparents -- your own family stays in close contact so that's what families do, right? Not all do. Try not to think in terms of how you wish his family were like your family in that regard -- because that may be what's behind your desire for more of MIL's attention. MIL has TEN adult kids; the idea that she can see your husband and your family once or twice a year sounds pretty good to me, especially if she sees most of his siblings once or twice each year too. If she does, then that's ten to twenty visits she's making a year and that's a lot.

And the party? You do not mention that any of your husband's siblings were there and say that the  only people from your husband's generation who were there were his cousins. So none of his siblings was there. It wasn't like several of his siblings were invited and he wasn't, is that correct? Maybe this party was about MIL's own siblings and their adult children, the cousins.. Maybe her own siblings planned the party and it was for them, her and their kids (and that's their call). It was for April birthday folks from "their side of the family" and if none of husband's siblings was invited -- why does it bother you?

I really would start to let this go and not focus on the lack of small gifts or cards -- some people (of all ages) are into popping stuff into the mail and some never, ever are. Again, is this something you expect because your own family does it? It's great if they do (mine does) but not an indication of "disinterest" if they do not (my husband's family doesn't and they are certainly not "disinterested" in us or our kid). Some go on Facebook about everything and some don't. Your MIL posted about a party she and her siblings had. That's all.

Enjoy your own family's attentions but don't hold her and FIL to that same standard; and please don't assume that  lack of cards or calls or gifts doesn't mean she doesn't care. Some older generation parents smother their adult kids and grandkids, and some others don't do a lot of contact since they feel that their adult kids don't want or need them to "interfere." Clearly you don't see it that way, but can you accept that if she's of an older generation she might just think, "My kids are raised and doing fine; I'm sure they'll let me know if they need me and I see them once a year or even more, and I don't want to step on my daughter-in-law's toes or get in my son's way...." That is not a wrong way to think, and it's not wrong or mean not to be into sending mail. She does visit. Stop "asking repeatedly" and if any asking gets done, your husband should be doing it.

Does he get as hurt by the lack of cards and calls as you do, and was he upset by the party details on Facebook, or is this about your own expectations, based on your own family's way of doing things? Again -- it's great that your family is so attentive. But that does not mean his family's different way of doing things means they don't care.[/quote]

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