Reply to stress on marriage from kids and work

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "stress on marriage from kids and work"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]You sound like a good guy, OP.  9:50 has some good advice.

I don't think it's daycare-or-nothing, either.  Can you look for a part time preschool or mom's-morning-out program at a local church?  Just having those few hours a week of unimpeded alone time was a sanity saver for me when my kids were tiny.  Most programs start at 2 years old, though.  If you have babies, you're going to need an actual sitter to get her some alone time, but that's still a lot cheaper than full time daycare.

Also cheaper than daycare is a housekeeper.  A SAHM is going to have to clean/pick up daily no matter what, but knowing the deep cleaning (toilet scrubbing/shower cleaning/vacuuming/etc) will be taken care of is a tremendous help and a weight off a mom's shoulders.

Make time for just the two of you.  Find a good sitter and try to go out on a date once a month.  9:50 was right -- YOU PLAN THIS.  You call the sitter, make the reservations, etc. ... your DW is going crazy keeping track of everyone else's schedule and planning each day for the kids ... if my DH had made date nights a priority instead of paying them lip service and then pawning off the legwork on me and my already full task list, our marriage might not be in the trouble it is today (and our kids are 11 and 7 ... this stuff festers like an infected sore if not dealt with in a timely manner).  I guarantee you that DW will be more interested in sex if she feels like you miss her and desire her as a person, not just a sex partner.  Date time is key to that.  It doesn't have to be expensive -- grab a bottle of wine and some cheese/salami and head out for a picnic now that the weather is turning.  Head down to the waterfront and check out the cherry blossoms when they pop and grab dinner from a food truck.  It's fine to splurge on a more expensive date once in a while, but it's not necessary.  The time together is what's important.

As for yourself, try to remember that even though your work is hard, you 1) get money and respect for it, 2) get daily adult interaction and hopefully, positive feedback, and 3) don't have to deal with toddler tantrums (unless you work for my boss, but I digress).  To your DW, this may sound like paradise some days.  Hell, I now work full time and I'm still envious of my DH, because he gets paid so much more for a lot less work, and no one at his job treats him like crap (see: my boss).  So while it's tempting to pull the "I work all day" card, don't.  She's working, too, and with no payoff other than the love of your kids and whatever praise you give her.

Again, you sound like an awesome guy.  I wish your DW could see this thread to know how much you love her.  But I have faith in you, OP.  I know you're going to take the advice here and show her she's appreciated.  I guarantee you she will do the same in return.  And if she doesn't, she may be clinically depressed and in need of real help, or flat out doesn't deserve you.

Good luck.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics