Reply to stress on marriage from kids and work

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm a SAHM with two kids who went through a rough patch after our second was born. Here's my advice:

Both of you have to appreciate what the other does. My husband felt like I didn't appreciate that he worked a stressful job and then came home to more stuff. I felt like he didn't appreciate that I was doing 95% of the childcare by myself (and I don't have a housekeeper or any other outsourcing). Just come in sometimes and tell her she's doing a great job. If she feels appreciated, she can feel appreciation better.

Plan a date night. Don't make her do it. Get the babysitter lined up and make a reservation and tell her when it is. That alone time is crucial but if you make her plan it and set it up, it feels like you don't actually want to make the effort and is just one more thing she now has to do. You handling it makes all the difference.

Encourage any hobbies she has. I'm currently applying to go back to school in the fall for my teaching license because my plan was always to go back to work when the youngest was preschool aged and my old career just doesn't work with family life. My husband is supportive and understanding and totally on board. He knows I need this and that it's a big deal to me so study time, application stuff, and committing to the change it'll be to have me in school is all stuff he's on board with. See if you can encourage her in some way like that to get validation outside of child reading. Any hobby or volunteering she wants to do.

Also, this is just sort of part and parcel of having kids. There's a growth spurt after each one where you figure out your new circumstances and how to make it all work. It got a lot better once my youngest turned one. [/quote]

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