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[quote=Anonymous]OP, some critical information is missing here: What does your husband say and think? If he's swanning off with friends while you're there -- I would bet he's just fine with these arrangements. Do you feel that he gets to go "home" to mom and dad and be the son who goes out with buddies, while you are stuck cooking and trying to undo your FIL's jerkiness around the kids (as mentioned in two of your posts on this thread)?

If you bring up the idea that "I would like to now spend spring break weeks with just our nuclear family on a trip--us and the kids, not my folks and not yours," how do you think he'd react? If he would immediately whine about how "We moved to be near your family so MY family gets all our vacations or its' not fair!" -- OP, if he would do that, then you have a larger problem here than having to cook on "vacation."  If instead he sometimes indicates it's tedious to spend EVERY free vacation day with his folks, then you might have an opening to compromise.

Don't let this go on and on. You are spending an excessive amount of your vacations with his family (plus they come to you as well!). To me, "family time" is about time for mom, dad and the kids -- not extended family on every single holiday and spring break too. I would tell your husband that you and he need a talk. Don't do it when he needs to get out the door somewhere else and can blow it off, or when the the kids are there at home distracting you. Be careful not to bring up the fact his dad's an ass. Make it about needing to get to spend time as a family where the family means the two of you and your children. You really do need time with your own kids, without either your parents or his around, believe me. It's fine for kids to get to know grandparents but kids also should build some memories and experiences with their own parents.

One other thing. Your kids sound pretty young. As they get older, this is going to happen: They will become more and more invested in whatever activities they love to do (sports, dance, arts, academic team at school, whatever) and those activities will demand more of their weekends and yes, even time closer to the holidays or over spring break. They also will have more homework and your own family might get more involved in local things like a place of worship or local volunteering. In short, as your kids get older, they are going to have more things that keep them nearer home, and they are going to have opinions about wanting to go places that are not grandma's. And that is perfectly normal! If your husband is going to have issues with that, they'll resent it. And so will you, if you realize when the kids are nearly ready to leave home that you and they never had a trip together anywhere that wasn't the grandparents' house.

Time and the kids' growing assertiveness about what they, themselves, want will take care of some of this. But I wouldn't wait for that. I would talk to husband about how you need time that is neither with your family nor with his but with your own family, somewhere you can all focus on each other and not on grandparents from  either side. A big factor will be how mature your husband is or isn't, when it comes to "going home" and being with his old friends and probably being coddled by mom. [/quote]

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