Reply to At what point do you end - or severely limit - your relationships with your parents?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "At what point do you end - or severely limit - your relationships with your parents?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Would it make you feel better to cut them off and *tell* your close relatives the truth? Because that's a way to break the shame taboo - have it all out in the open.

As a dispassionate third party, I can't imagine leaving a sexual abuser his secrets. If his local circle is informed, at least they have a chance of acting on that information and protecting any children near him. I understand this comes at a cost to you. But my question is, in the long term, wouldn't it eventually make you feel better as well?

Perhaps you need to talk to a therapist and join a support group. I'm sure other victims or therapists experienced in helping such victims will have sound advice.

Your parents don't deserve a relationship with you, that's clear.

[/quote]

[b]I want nothing more than to confront him and tell people in my family what happened. [/b]However, as a teenager and young adult I was very unstable and dealt with mental health issues (no surprise, I guess) and I fear my father would use that as a way to invalidate what I say.[/quote]

There is nothing he can do or say to hurt you anymore.
You are not telling the truth so that people can believe you.
You are telling the truth to place the burden of responsibility on him. 
Let people believe what they want, the choices and consequences will be on their heads.
That will relieve you of the responsibility of hiding a crime, and putting other children at risk.

I hope you come to that realization. My situation cannot be compared to yours, but I had this same moment of realization with my mother - she started making up all these untrue rumors about me to the family. At first, people believed her and I didn't know what to do. I stayed courteous with everyone, held my head up high and did not engage beyond stating the bare facts. I was the picture of calm and rational restraint, and she was the opposite. Now everyone knows she was lying, partly because I acted more credible than she. Appearance is so important to be credible, and you have to be prepared with an ironclad persona to deal with family members and close friends. Don't worry about your behavior at the time - cause-and-effect can go both ways, and it will go your way if you act in a mature manner now.

Let me reiterate once again that you need help and support from experts to think this through and carry it out.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics