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Kids With Special Needs and Disabilities
Reply to "Dedicated SN mom or Helicopter mom"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm going to piss you all off with this response, but I spend a bit of time on this forum and generally avoid the SN page because I find you all so over-involved in your kids that it becomes unhelpful. I have asked a few questions on this forum, and the results are from people looking to find "special needs" everywhere. I wonder how many of you have full time jobs, or if this has become your full time job not out of necessity to your kids but because it provides meaning and purpose to your lives. Of course some of our SN kids need extra attention than some other kids, but i am a bit shocked at how all-consuming parenting is for some of you. I wonder what some of you are so scared of happening if you didn't dedicate this much of yourselves to them? And at least in our case, we have found that over-helping our kids can be detrimental (for instance, going to therapies and evals is exhausting and stressful - i think the benefits are often outweighed by teh stress). For the person with the 20 year old in college where she still needs to helicopter: at a point, shouldn't you be figuring out a work-around to the fact that your kid can't finish papers? What's he going to do in 2 years when he gets a job? Maybe he should have majored in math instead, so he doesn't need to write papers? Maybe he just needs to fail a year of college and end up in community college? Point is (and sorry to pick on that person, but the example really jumped out): when does it end? And if it is never going to end, then why make it a full-time life starting at age 3? [/quote] I get the sense you came here a few times hoping people would say what you describe is normal and when they didn't give you what you wanted you got angry. None of us want your kid to have struggles. You may think it's just a profit machine for clinicians, but we anonymous posters have nothing to gain. It is not our fault if your kid is struggling. I have seen posts here where people did say something sounded normal, but it sounds like in your case, people read some red-flags. Please save your anger and hostility for your gym workouts, therapist, or punching bag. I'm going to be really honest and say I know people just like you. They lashed out at anyone who dared to say the kid needed help. Sometimes they got over themselves and got help, often they didn't until things got more dire. The earlier you deal with an issue and get help the better the outcome in many cases. Some parents on here spend hours and hours getting PT, OT and everything else so that their child can finally walk, or finally communicate in some way and that would not happen on it's own. Some of us luck out and all the hours of intervention help our kids talk, succeed at school and make friends. We all want to help our kids meet their full potential and rarely will that happen by insisting there is no problem. I have met many parents along the way with regrets. Not one person who got intervention had regrets (except for the occasional dud clinician or voodoo intervention). The ones with regrets are the ones who refused to face reality, accept their child's areas of need and get help. [/quote]
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