Reply to Kids who fight All. The. Time.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Slightly different perspective here: 
You say that it drives YOU crazy.  Does it bother them, or just you?  Growing up, my brother and I engaged constantly in "recreational bickering"--we'd call each other names, tease, complain, etc., but between us it was just kidding around and no one's feelings were getting hurt.  To this day, we end every phone call with, "Remember, nobody loves you!"  But we are adult siblings who call one another regularly, are involved in one another's lives despite geographical distance, and support each other through anything with our actions, even if our words sound mean to an outside observer.

My point in sharing this is that I wonder whether things are as acrimonious from their perspective as they are from your perspective. If the real issue is simply that you don't like listening to them talk to one another that way, then I think you need to address that: the way that they are speaking to one another is a problem when mom or dad is around.  At home you can adjust by giving them more space to interact independently, and when you are stuck with them like in the car, you can remind them that that kind of joking is simply not allowed with you around.  but if they're joking is all in good fun and you are correcting them from the perspective that they are hurting one another's feelings, they are going to tune you out. You are making it obvious to them that you don't understand what is really going on.

Now, that said, if you believe that their feelings truly are getting hurt through the course of these arguments, then that is a different issue and you need to address the way that they're interacting on the level of how their impacting their siblings feelings.[/quote]

Even if they aren't "really" acrimonious, it's annoying as hell to be around kids who argue about everything.  It doesn't even sound like it's teasing or name-calling and she's worried that someone's feelings will be hurt.  It sounds like it drives OP nuts that they argue all the time over everything, including chores she has asked them to do.

THe best advice I have for stuff like this is to put them all in the same boat.  You do not resolve disputes.  You explain that the constant bickering and arguing is not okay, and that when they argue, they are all going to face the same consequence--if they are arguing over the iPod or what TV show to watch, there is no iPod or TV.  If they are arguing over chores that you have assigned and the chores are not getting done, then they all lose whatever privilege you've decided on, or no one gets to do the fun thing you have planned until the chore is done.  Et cetera.  Then it's on them to stop the bickering and figure out more peaceful means of dispute resolution.  [/quote]

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