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[quote=Anonymous]Married 12 years, 2 kids 8and 6yo. DH and I are in counseling because we had become so passive aggressive with each other due to his inability to talk about anything substantive about our marriage. Sex has always been a problem...I have a higher drive. DH has problems with PE. The first few years I was very supportive and sympathetic but he did nothing to address his issue besides stop initiating sex. We went to a sex therapist, she helped quite a bit, and sex was good enough for a year. Then kids came along and we were technically sexless for many years, and he sex we had was at my behest and very, very meh.  Over the years I asked him to initiate, I asked him if he wasn't aggregated to me, etc. I never got real answers and even though he promised to initiate more he would for a week and then we were back to square one.

I recently told him that I could not live like this anymore, that I was lonely in the marriage. We have been going to counseling, which has helped him be more open to communication and not shut down. The sex is just pretty bad now because of his very PE. I won't go into details because this is not the explicit forum...but I am hugely unsatisfied. I asked him (not for the first time) if he would get a medical exam to check his hormones, etc., and he said he would. I got the rec of a urologist and gave it to him (we are new to the area so didn't know who to call). A month has gone by and he still has not called to make an appt.

It is becoming abundantly clear that he and I are not at all on the same page sexually, and that he would rather bury his head in the same and not deal with our sex life. It is also clear that by doing this, he is holding me hostage because I am not supposed to have sex outside of the marriage.

My question...am I asking too much of him? Am I now at the point of saying well, this is who he is, I have to take this life or leave it? Or do I keep pushing? It seems utterly crazy to split up my family over sex, but the lack of consistent, even halfway decent sex is an awful way for me to live...and I have already done it for multiple years. Living like this is so unattractive to me, but divorcing is also not an attractive option, so I am at a crossroads.[/quote]

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