Reply to relationship advice please: single dad, GF issues

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[quote=Anonymous]backstory: I am in early 30s. had kids young at 21,23, they are now 11 (boy) and 9 (girl) now. I was married, been divorced for 8 years. had joint custody since then

started dating a girl almost two years ago, summer 2013.

fast forward to fall 2014, the kids' mom develops a drug habit (likely heroin), and i end up now with full custody.

the GF is supportive, does not want kids. She had a lot of childhood issues that are still not resolved. She is not bad with the kids, but not good either. little affection, just kinda does her own thing. past few months she has started to have meltdowns after the kids go to sleep. not always related to them (often stuck in her own mind), but sometimes she gets annoyed that the kids will always come first (and she acknowledges that they should, and gets angry at herself that she is not fully OK with them coming first).

We have been talking about her moving in, but I am having seconds thoughts. her being just OK with the kids had been fine in the past when she was "just my GF", but it is starting to bother me. i was never looking for a new mom for the kids, and she never wanted to be one. but now, the kids do need a new mom, and I don't think she is up to the task. Further, given her ambivalence towards them, I am not sure that it is fair to ask her to put her life on hold for 10 years until they graduate high school. as can be expected, they are kinda ambivalent towards her.

I have not brought up my concerns yet. She is sensitive to the fact that she doesn't want kids - she doesn't think she would be a good mom. She is not selfish, but has had a rough life and doesn't want to devote it full force to kids.

we don't have a bad relationship, though it is starting to feel strained. she cooks, we have sex and watch some TV. That's pretty much what is has become. Am I crazy to throw that away?[/quote]

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