Reply to sibling takes out marital stresses on me. how to handle?

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[quote=Anonymous]My sister and her husband have had issues throughout their 9 year marriage. They separated a couple of years ago, and reconciled to be a unit for their kids. But the marriage still isn't great.

Sometimes my sister sends me insulting comments about my life choices, has told me that I'm selfish (for choosing to not have kids, moving according to my job/education needs, etc), telling me that I remind her of her husband, and other negative accusations and assumptions.

I have been hands on in trying to help her, providing childcare sometimes (which includes me traveling), helping her move and find a place during the separation, being encouraging and supportive throughout their issues, lending an ear any time she needs it.

I love my sister, I understand that marital problems are really rough and emotionally taxing. But it is not fair for her to take them out on me.  There are times I've responded and told her so, but now I just ignore it. I need space and silence when she gets in one of these ranting, accusing modes. Is there any right way to respond? I know I'm not the selfish person she accuses me of, but it still hurts. If it matters, she is older and I am younger. How do I change the dynamic? [/quote]

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