Reply to DH "helping" me clean up

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "DH "helping" me clean up"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

This is the issue, so I guess I do need to just spell it out for him. But I hate that, it makes me feel like I'm talking to a child. Sometimes he'll be in the room next to me, but he can be pretty oblivious. But literally he only seems to notice I'm cleaning when I'm basically done! His timing is impeccable. 
 [/quote]

8:59 here again. I started to write more and then decided my post was long enough - but I specifically had the phrase "I know it sounds like I"m treating him like a kid." So I TOTALLY feel you. And my husband is a great guy, I'm super happy with him. But in this particular area, our skill sets and tolerance level is so vastly different, it is a little like dealing with a kid. Of course it has to be done in a very respectful way, use the right tone of voice, and that's what makes the big difference between talking "down" to a kid and "asking for help" from a peer.

I also very often use the "give them a choice" technique with my husband. I'm not doing it in a manipulative or talking-down way, but it's human nature that someone will be more invested if they are given a choice. So as we're getting up from the table, I'll say "There's a load of laundry that needs to be put away too - do you want to divide and conquer, or do you want to do both of them together?" Making it clear that just because he is loading the dishwasher (with my help clearing the table), he's not DONE and shouldn't walk away. But if he wants to do the kitchen by himself, then I'll do the laundry by myself. Either way we both get done with chores at the same time.

My husband and I have very different levels of what we notice and what bothers us in the house. Since I am the one with higher standards, I do end up taking on a bit more, but I've also just accepted I need to be extremely direct about what I want because it would never occur to him. There is likely some other facet of your life where he needs to be direct with you because you just don't care as much as he does. This is a dumb example, but one for us would be getting the mail. I could leave mail in the box for 3 - 4 days and only get it once in awhile (and did when I was single). He is a stickler that he doesn't like mail left out in the box overnight. It just doesn't occur to me to care about that. So probably about 70% of days, he ends up going and getting it, but he has also had to directly say to me "I'd prefer we not leave mail in the box overnight, if I'm not home." Fine, I'm happy to  accommodate, even if I don't really "get it." But he had to tell me directly.

Maybe if you can think of area where he has higher/different standards and it just doesn't occur to you, you would have an easier time relating on this issue. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics