Reply to DH "helping" me clean up

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[quote=Anonymous]My husband would "do the dishes" (load the dishwasher) but actually leave all the big dishes to "soak" (unnecessarily) in the sink. And then he'd scamper off to work the next day, leaving me with nasty soaking dishes in the sink. I would have rather just done them the night before if I was going to get stuck with them anyway (I telecommute so it's not like I'm a SAHM - yet I'm home all day and need to use the sink).

At first I just tried pointing out "I don't really think that needs to soak." Didn't work. He washed that dish that night, but he didn't get the picture that I mean most nights the pans didn't need to soak.

Finally I just told him - "Look, I really appreciate that you help clean up after dinner. But I feel like you're getting all the 'credit' for doing the dishes, but you leave in the morning and leave me with the big pans to scrub. It really irks me. I don't really care if you do the dishes or if I do the dishes, but I don't want dishes left in the sink when you leave for work. Would you rather take care of them or do you want me to? I just need clear expectations of who is doing what so I'm not getting resentful."

He still leaves them to soak overnight, but he does them in the morning before going to work. I can deal with that. And now his "credit" for doing dishes is deserved.

I know it sounds stupid that I was getting irked he was getting "credit" for doing dishes, but it really was about - he could do the easy parts of the job and feel like he was contributing, while really leaving more of a mess for me. So I totally feel you OP.

My DH is a great guy, so a direct conversation is all it took. But I resisted because I just wanted him to know - failing approach. Just be direct and ask for exactly what you want him to do, in a nice way. My DH will absolutely help with anything I ask for, but he has no problem being completely oblivious if I don't ask with extreme clarity. [/quote]

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