Reply to Help! Socially challenged daughter...

Forum Index » Elementary School-Aged Kids

Reply to "Help! Socially challenged daughter..."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I have watched my dd (8th grade) destroy her social life over and over again. It really saddens me, and I don't know what to do about it. So I am turning to dcum for help, knowing that I will likely be judged and ridiculed by some.

Here's the pattern that she has repeated several times in various social setting, starting with preschool. She will have a great group of girls to hang out with, but she will zero in on ONE girl who (in her mind) is supposed to become her bff. The girl that she zeros in on is always the most outgoing, social girl in the group. It's always the one who wants to hang out with everyone and is not going to spend all of her time with one best friend. DD is not very outgoing, so she can't relate to someone constantly wanting to work the room like that. DD is also hot headed and impulsive so she reacts every time she gets her feelings hurt.

So, here's the latest. Last year she joined a team, and I was so excited for her. I truly felt that she had found her people. For the first time in her life, she fit in and was accepted by her friends for who she is. They really got her sense of humor and just adored her. Other parents complimented me on her humor, good attitude, and hard work. She was finally getting invited to do all kinds of stuff with these friends. Being a part of this team was one of the best things that's ever happened to her.

Apparently that was the honeymoon phase...

Once again, she has become obsessed with making one girl her bff. This girl clearly does not want that and would prefer to hang out with someone different every week. DD is just one person in her rotation. When they are with the team, she often chooses to hang out with others instead of dd. This makes dd grumpy toward everyone and basically just unpleasant to be around. This girl posts lots of pics on instagram hanging out with other teammates and dd ends of sending texts or posting comments about not being included. So, at this point, the other girls on the team are distancing themselves from dd. The invitations have stopped coming. When dd invites any of the girls to do stuff, they never seem to be available, although she won't invite people very often. That's another issue - she wants to sit back and wait to be invited, but doesn't take the initiative often enough.

I have talked and talked and talked with dd about all of this. I have pointed out that it is a pattern, and has never worked out for her. We talked about the last group this happened with, and that she missed out on becoming good friends with a lot of wonderful girls in the group because she was so focused on being jealous of two girls who were hanging out with each other all the time. She does realize this and says that she regrets it, and is sad that she missed out on all the fun she could have had with that group. She does want to change, but just can't seem to stop being so reactive.

It is also becoming a complete waste of money having her on this team! It's very expensive, and she spends too much of that time feeling miserable, and she's not focusing. At this point, I don't plan on letting her be a part of this team next year. But we are committed to finishing out the school year.

I realize that this post makes her sound crazy. She's really not. She's a good kid - bright compassionate, sweet, funny. but she does have a pretty serious issue here, and I know we need to deal with it somehow.

She has just always wanted that one best friend, and I get that. She would rather have that than a big group of friends. I want her to find that someday since it is so very important to her. But it will never happen if she keeps this up.

I am at a loss and have no idea what to do. I want to help her, but I can't keep repeating the same talk over and over again. I'm sure she could use some counseling, but she would flip out at the thought of going. Not because she thinks there's anything wrong with counseling in general. She would just be mortified at the thought of having to open up to a stranger.

Any advice would be appreciated. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics