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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"You know how sometimes I complain that you're too negative, and then you change for a few days? Well, you always go right back to it after a few days of changing. Your constant negativity weighs me down, and if you continue this way, I'm going to leave you. It's just so damn miserable hearing someone always say negative things about EVERYTHING. I love you and don't want a divorce. But this REALLY needs to change, permanently. Do you want a journal so you can write down all your negative thoughts to get them out of your system? Shall we go to couples therapy? What will help you change?" [/quote]

Love this.

My mother is like this (so are Dad and a sibling, to varying degrees), and so naturally, I went out an married someone like this too.  Thankfully no children.  Yes, we are divorced...and I really wish I'd done it much, much sooner.  Ex-dw was like this in large part due to depression and insecurity.  Arguing about it was pointless.  After years and years, I figured, ok, nevermind, I give up, and I stopped trying.  Of course, I also started planning my departure.  When I left, she seemed genuinely shocked and suddenly serious about making some earnest changes.

I don't like/believe in ultimatums and brinksmanship; I think they're disrespectful and not generally negotiating in good faith.  However, I would say, if you really do see that you cannot continue like this but you are not yet at the give up and don't give a shit point (where I was) then I do think it matters.  I often wonder if I'd actually made it clear to my wife - not a threat, but an honest statement about myself and what I could and couldn't do - if we might've addressed some of these issues.

...all that said...

I think you should just start now ignoring it/tuning it out.  Do not engage or take it seriously.  Blow him off...if he is being a debbie downer/negative nellie, just be happy - be as you would be if he weren't around and just ignore it.  A lot of these people are looking for validation.  He may be depressed, he may need therapy, whatever.  That's all his problem, not yours.  Stop owning it.  Disconnect.  He'll get the message...and either change, or not, and then you know what you need to do.[/quote]

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