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[quote=Anonymous]My DD is 12. She does not quite grasp the concept that I want the truth, and not what she thinks I want to hear. I told her when she turned 12, this was The Year of Telling the Truth. I riffed off Meet the Parents and created my own Circle of Trust. I take her hands, tell her "We have now created the Circle of Trust. While we have this circle, you can tell me the truth, and I will not yell, lecture or punish. What really happened with Claire and Faith? Go!" So far, it's worked successfully twice (I've only tried it twice.).

Also, when we're getting locked in towards a horrible argument, if I can remember to, I stop, put down whatever I'm holding, make her put down whatever she's holding, and I give her a big hug. I say "I love you." Sometimes I add "even when you're making me crazy" and I gently shake her. It brings down the blood pressure. It shifts our direction. It gets us working together to solve our disagreement instead of us going off in opposite directions in the conversations. It reminds her that I love her.

I make sure to compliment effort and encourage it. Yesterday she was being so slow and non-purposeful in cleaning her room with my help that I stopped helping. "This isn't my idea of fun. You're wasting my time." And I walked out. She complained she's not good at folding her clothes. I shrugged and said "So clearly you need practice." After 15 minutes I went back into her room and started matching up socks. She showed me how much she stunk at folding. I encouraged her to keep going. We got past our hump.

I make sure we have some sort of pleasant/happy/funny interaction each day. [/quote]

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