Reply to being primary caregiver for someone undergoing chemo?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband had chemo.  I had to work to keep mortgage payments and health insurance.  I was very lucky his parents came and stayed with us to do the day to day and my mom lived in town.  I actually had to pick up two jobs to pay the bills.  We also had two small children.

The downside to that was that I was too stressed to be as a supportive caregiver as I could have been.  I was worried we were going to be foreclosed, that I couldn't pay medical bills, and how I was going to support two young kids in the event he didn't get better.

My husband had a very bad stage when he was diagnosed, so I was aware that he was probably not going to have a good outcome, and we were working on the slimmest of hope.  He deserved every opportunity to hold on to hope, and I believed that he had just as much right to hope and just as much chance as a miracle to recover as anyone.

However, working also didn't allow me to empathize as much as I could have.  It didn't allow time for me to spend his last moments with him.  It made me seem heartless to his parents because I was so stressed and worried about what would happen to me and the kids.  It was hard.  It was sad.  My husband lost his battle.  My kids lost their dad.  But the hidden loss was that my husband and my kids lost my time and support because working all the time left me exhausted and emotionally unavailable.

I don't know that I would have done it differently - if i had to do it over again.  Prayers and good wishes to you if you're having to make this choice.  It's an awful choice to make.  Please be strong.[/quote]
I'm so sorry you had to go through this.[/quote]

I'm PP......Thank you for the support, that simple empathy brought tears to my eyes, even though this was many many years ago.  The purpose of the post was meant to tell OP that any decision she made would have been the right decision and okay because it was HER decision, and NOT to be too hard on herself and not beat herself up for not being able to be super woman.  It's hard being the sick person, probably one of the hardest things a person has to go through.  It's also hard and invisible feeling being the caregiver - in addition to the fact that you love your partner and hate that they have to go through this.

Anyway, I still wish OP peace with whatever decision she makes.  I wish for the best outcome for the person for whom she is caring.  I work in healthcare and I see many people who are in remission or who are still living with cancer, live for a long time and have long periods of wellness.  So I am really hopeful her story will have many good days, days with sunshine.  And if it rains, sometimes in the rain, people will share an umbrella.[/quote]

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