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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There's no way we can answer this. It depends on what's considered disrespect to you, it depends on the dynamics of your relationship with your kid, etc.

Yesterday after school my DD and I bought her a new lunchbag. On the walk home, she was swinging it around, and accidentally hit someone walking by. She apologized but kept swinging it and a man had to sidestep her to avoid getting hit. When I pointed it out she argued with me. So I took the bag away. [/quote]

OP here. You can say that I am experiencing similar situations with a 13 year old DD.
She would leave the lights on in the study room for hours and when reminded her that she needs to turn the lights off when not in use, she will argue that she was going to go to that room anyways.
sometimes she is really sweet and sometimes she can be really disrespectful.
if she does not eat lunch or drink water, I tell her that I will stop packing her lunch from next day. Her reply would be that she will buy from the school cafeteria.
[/quote]

For the lights, I'd just tell her it needs to be done or maybe ask her if she wants to contribute to te electric bill. It's not worth fighting over IMO, but fees work. Mine would sit in the dark and try to read just to be obstinate and "win" the argument.

For lunch, first, why isn't she packing her own lunch? She's definitely old enough. When I pack her lunch (if she's running behind or something), I pack her a healthier lunch but she's less likely to eat it. When she packs her lunch, she puts in more bread, or sneaks a cookie some days, or might pack 3 apples instead of a variety of fruits and veggies. She gets exactly what she wants as there's less waste. That said, some days she's not as hungry as she thought, or she gets busy and doesn't eat much. I've asked that if she can keep the food, not to toss it. No big deal. If I make a big deal, she'll throw it away at school. I don't want to push her into hiding food habits.

For nonsense such as using a negative tone when she speaks to me, I try to ignore it or ask her to rephrase. I remember doing that with my parents and they'd make a big deal out of it. It made things far more unpleasant, because I felt like if I slipped and made one rude comment, it would spark a fight. I tried to avoid talking to them when they seemed particularly bent on making me be polite. I grew out of that angst, hopefully she will sooner without feeling like I'm on her back about everything. I do shut it down when she crosses a line.

I also snap up every opportunity to have fun with her, so if she asks to go to lunch with me, I'm in if possible. I want to make sure she remembers we can have fun together even though she's a teen and a million times cooler than me ;) That tends to curb the disrespect for a while. [/quote]

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