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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There's no way we can answer this. It depends on what's considered disrespect to you, it depends on the dynamics of your relationship with your kid, etc.

Yesterday after school my DD and I bought her a new lunchbag. On the walk home, she was swinging it around, and accidentally hit someone walking by. She apologized but kept swinging it and a man had to sidestep her to avoid getting hit. When I pointed it out she argued with me. So I took the bag away. [/quote]

OP here. You can say that I am experiencing similar situations with a 13 year old DD.
She would leave the lights on in the study room for hours and when reminded her that she needs to turn the lights off when not in use, she will argue that she was going to go to that room anyways.
sometimes she is really sweet and sometimes she can be really disrespectful.
if she does not eat lunch or drink water, I tell her that I will stop packing her lunch from next day. Her reply would be that she will buy from the school cafeteria.[/quote]

Did you read Nurtureshock? I try to keep in mind the chapter that says kids feel CLOSER to their parents after arguing with them, even though we feel angry and farther away. I will engage in an argument when DD is being logical and reasonable. When she's not, like yesterday, I won't. I even said to her today "I'd have so much more respect for you if you just told me "Yeah, I screwed up; I don't know what I was thinking, sorry."

1. Study lights: I'd put tape over the light switch so she can't turn it on. "Sorry, you don't get to use the light until you use it responsibly.  Or, I'd show her the electric bill and explain that things cost money, etc. 
2. I would not pack lunch for a 13 yr  old. She can pack her own lunch. If she doesn't eat it for lunch she can eat it for dinner. I would take away her money so she CAN'T get cafeteria food. [/quote]

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