Reply to How do you learn to accept the family relationships you have instead of the ones you wish you did?

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Reply to "How do you learn to accept the family relationships you have instead of the ones you wish you did?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
By killing the should's and if-only's.

I'd catch myself thinking a certain way and just shut it down. It helped a lot.

[/quote]

Excellent advice here.

And once you kill the shoulds and if-onlys, learn also to stop looking at other people's supposedly perfect relationships and pining for something like that.  So easy to do -- "They have what I wish I had." You have no way to know if those enviable relationships are perfect, or horrific but well covered up, or are good but only got that way with infinite work and patience that you can't see from where you stand.

Then: Go out and fill the hole in the relationships with other relationships. If the problem is parents/siblings/etc., focus on your spouse/significant other/kids. Or your friends, and interests that really matter to you,  if there are no SO/kids etc. Or volunteer to work with people who don't have time to think about shoulds and if-onlys in their relationships because they only have time to figure out how to get food, shelter or clothing. It really puts things into perspective.

[/quote]

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