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[quote=Anonymous]A while bk I'd posted on this issue but I have a new question and appreciate any thoughts.
In high school, a relative had lay down behind me on bed while I was on my side and, while it seemed innocuous at first, moved his
hand up my side (w/ shirt) and it was stopped by my elbow that I was bound and determined not to move.
At one point I thought I'd remember kiss on neck but I'm no Brian Williams, this was many years ago and I'll stick w/
that shirt part which I remember distinctly.  One of us got off the bed and life went on.
The thing I remember most is that awful gut feeling of this is not a familial moment.  So nothing "happened", my elbow was the "no" but
the whole thing I remember the MOST vividly today was the awful feeling that this relative crossed what felt like a family boundary
into something else however minor.  A few therapists reacted "meh" to it, a few were like this is abuse etc.
Flash forward, this relative has spent a lot of time w/ my kids.  But my dd last year says " I don't want to see" said relative. She said it twice. 
She's 5.  They were traveling to see us so I ignored her moved on etc.  We've seen them twice in past year.  But then at holidays
hits me like ton of bricks.  I wasn't listening to her and I had that awful feeling boundaries moment w/ him myself.  I realized that whether that
was indication or not something happened w/ her (and I imagine that's highly unlikely) I had my moment w/ him could she have too?
So I bailed on seeing them for holidays.
Now they want to see kids again and I'm feeling less and less like engaging.  I had this big wake up call that I need to listen to her and frankly it
 triggered a feeling or two about back then.  Now I don't want to see them myself but more importantly don't I have 
an obligation to keep her from the relative or is that too extreme?  From what I've said here I would be so grateful for opinions.  These are very close relatives and it would
forever mar or even obliterate those relationships but my strong reaction everytime I think about my dd is not to see them.  But then I feel terrible because it will cause serious turmoil. TIA[/quote]

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