Reply to How bad is it to decline an offer to be a bridesmaid for my SIL?

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[quote=Anonymous]Back story: SIL and DH are the only 2 children in their family but spaced further apart than is ideal, and they have never had a good relationship. They are both opposite extremes of personalities and just clash badly. Their relationship goes back and forth from being strained to nonexistent and back again. I don't like her, but at the same time I don't think she is solely to blame for their relationship issues.. DH is at fault too. She has never liked me - we are the exact same age and I am very successful and she is not (to be blunt). She has a huge chip on her shoulder because of this. She also is one of those counter-culture types and I am as blonde and preppy as they come.. for me, this would not have been an issue, but it clearly is for her. Before I even met her, she told DH that I looked like an annoying sorority girl after seeing a picture of me. For years, I was so nice and finally just was done with it. Every time we have had a major event in our life (wedding, death of close family member, etc) she has tried to make it all about her and I'm just totally over it.

Lately, she has been making an uncharacteristically concerted effort to try to have some kind of relationship with us and our child. I have been nothing but supportive of this and even started being the one to figure out plans with her when my DH was being flaky about it. My DH mentioned to me that he thinks she is "up to something" or wants something from us, and I tend to agree with him.. this just is not normal behavior from her. I think that she and her serious bf are about to get engaged and she will want us to be in the wedding... that's the only thing I can think of.

I'm trying to figure out a strategy in advance in case something gets sprung upon me, how do I tactfully decline any offer to be in the wedding? I think DH has to be in it, and I am ok with our child in it, but no way am I going to do that myself. If it was a matter of just wearing the dress I could probably deal, but the whole thing with a bachelorette party, etc - not happening. Any way to nicely decline this offer if/when I am asked?[/quote]

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