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[quote=Anonymous]SIL (DH's sister) and DH have almost no relationship anymore. SIL apparently was always a little bit of a black sheep but she had a severe downslide about 10 years ago. She divorced her husband and spiraled deep into addiction, quickly losing her job, her house and eventually custody of her kids. All of this was covered up by MIL who didn't give details, just explained these circumstances vaguely as "health problems" as she was embarrassed about the situation and wanted to maintain appearances.

FIL passed away during this time period and SIL spiraled even farther down. At this point it was pretty impossible for MIL to hide what was going on, and we started to hear the details. This was when SIL was in the process of losing custody of her kids and MIL was paying tens of thousands of dollars to fight a losing battle. SIL had no place of residence, no job and was clearly in the throes of addiction.

Once we found out about the details, our lives pretty much revolved around what emergency situation SIL had gotten herself into. Phone call in the middle of the night type of stuff. Plus a very scary experience where she was clearly under the influence and was convinced she was being followed by people who wanted to kill her. We found ourselves hiding in a bedroom under the bed because a car pulled into the driveway and she thought it was the person coming to kill all of us. She was involved in drug dealing (her boyfriend later went to prison for 3 years) so it was plausible.

At this point DH decided he could no longer be involved. He knew ultimately this was about his sister but he was angry that his mom had enabled all of this for so long and it had gotten to that point. He was in communication with his mom but refused to talk about SIL.

Finally, somehow, SIL got into some sort of program and stopped using. About a year ago, she no longer qualified for inpatient rehab (physical rehab) and had nowhere to go so MIL let her live with her. It's been about a year and SIL seems to be on a better path. She goes to a day program and takes meds for mental illness that was probably undiagnosed through this whole time period. I'm happy she's in a better place now.

The issue is that she wants to just jump back into having a relationship with DH and me and our DS like nothing ever happened. In her mind, we should just forget about this 10 year time period, as it was her struggle and she lost the most out of it. While that is true, it also affected everyone in the family and she doesn't seem ready or willing to acknowledge that.

She sends cards to DS on his birthday and for things like Valentines Day, and I feel badly not acknowledging them. DH is not opposed to me communicating with her, he just doesn't want a relationship with her. He resents that she has put his family (most importantly his nieces) through such turmoil.

I'm not sure I'm ready to have a relationship with her, but I'd like to acknowledge I'm proud of her for the changes she's made. However, I too would like for her to acknowledge what we've been through related to her issues. Also, in the few times I have communicated with her over the last few years she has lied to me which further confuses me.

Should I start trying to communicate with her or just leave things as they are?[/quote]

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