Reply to My husband's ex has been bad-mouthing me to him

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm the OP. Thanks for the replies. She said that I was vain. I don't have kids. I work two jobs. And I prefer to workout every day - either the gym or a run. She was being critical of me putting a workout ahead of spelling her for carpool on occasion. At least that's what I infer (I didn't want to snoop too deeply). She also said that I was immature - a criticism for which I can find no real justification. I'm hyper-realistic about my limitations, and being immature isn't one of them.

I'd never talk shit about her to her second husband and I'd be mortified if I thought my husband was criticizing her to her second husband.

I guess my anger over this is that I really have tried to be a good, calming presence in the family. And I feel like she has taken me for granted.

And in my defense the reason I was snooping: my husband isn't great at communicating schedules and details. It's just who he is. So I was trying to find out the arrangement for the next few weeks. [/quote]

I'm 13:21. Thanks for the additional details.

I think that his ex is totally in the wrong here. I think that one way to address this would be not to give a reason for why you are unwilling to cover carpool for her. It is unfair for her to decide which reasons are acceptable to her when you're covering for her. As for being immature, I don't know how to address that other than to treat it the same way you'd treat such an accusation from anyone else who is not a close friend - ignore.

My ex has not always been good about his boundaries with his girlfriend, or with me. He has told me things about their relationship that did not seem appropriate (nothing salacious, just relationship stuff I'm pretty sure she wouldn't want broadcast) and he has definitely not been great about communicating the schedule to her. I actually posted a thread on this forum about it just before Christmas ("How to improve relations with his girlfriend" or something). I think the best you can do in this situation is continue as you've begun. She's not always going to appreciate the good, calming presence you bring. She will probably take you for granted. Your job (much like my job, in my situation) is the be the duck and let it all slide off.

You get to prioritize whatever you want in your own life. She gets to be annoyed when she cannot rely on other people to cover for her, regardless of the reason. (My ex's girlfriend got annoyed when I asked if they could take DD on an evening that was usually mine because I was having a medical procedure done in the morning and didn't know how I would feel. It wasn't like I was going to the gym - I was actually sedated and not really capable of parenting and my husband was out of town.)[/quote]

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