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[quote=Anonymous]I feel for you. But be careful with statements such as "he's selfish like his parents." These can be self-fulling prophecies that become impossible to break out of.

He doesn't sound happy. He needs to work on that. Do you guys have enough time together to hang out and have fun? What about sex. It's really the glue of marriage.

As for not wanting to engage with your DD, I've seen this before that the mom is so "good" at parenting that se basically doesn't leave room for the dad. Since she can do things faster, more efficient etc. the dad doesn't even try. Then the child gets used to the mom doing everything and really balks when dad tries to give a bath, or tuck her in or walk her to school or whatever. Then the dad feels hurt that the child doesn't "like" him, or respond to him as warmly and pulls away.

It can be a really vicious cycle that ends with father and daughters having no relationship or tense one.  To combat this, your DH must carve out some acreage with your daughter. Something that only he does with her. Library runs on Saturday morning, making pancakes together on Sunday.

The key is it has to be regular, like every week, and mom is not allowed to be involved! Mom has to say "I know nothing about XXX, that's your dad's area." Or "I hate going to XX," if the DD asks you to come, "Good thing dad loves it!"

She will resist at first, but it won't be for long, and if you don't build that relationship now, it will be too late later.

Telling someone you don't like their behavior and asking them to change is really not going to work. I agree therapy might be good. But if he won't go, start with some concrete planning. Like, Tuesday night is girl's night/book club/shopping at Nordstrom night for me. You and DD are on your own. Have fun!

GL[/quote]

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