Reply to DD12 missed a lot fo school this year due to stomach aches

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Tell her you are very sorry that she isn't feeling well (validate her feelings -- very important, otherwise she'll set out to "prove" to you she's really sick) and send her to school anyway. Tell her you will give her tea or hot cocoa or something like that when she gets home.

My DD was like this. She would do a kind of inventory of her body and latch on to something that was wrong. "I have a headache." "I don't feel well." She really would feel these things but she also really didn't want to go to school. So I developed the rule that unless she had a fever or was vomiting she had to go. And by noon she always felt better, and the mystery illnesses stopped. There doesn't have to be a reason (though my DD did have anxiety) school aversion starts small and grows.

You have already gotten her checked out by a doctor. There's nothing wrong with her. You should not be focusing on accommodations, you should be sending her to school. You've already let this go to far and its become an ingrained behavior.

Again, she really feels these things, so validate her feelings. But feelings these things serves a purpose. Don;t feed that purpose. She will only feel better when it no longer serves that purpose.

[/quote]

Thank you for your response. You are right that I may have been "feeding her purpose" too much. But I have tried sending her to school anyway, and by afternoon she is in the nurses office. Or she comes home looking really ill and sleeps the rest of the day. Now it is entirely possible that this is just anxiety or even laziness, but just because the doctor was not able to come up with anything after examining her a few times, I'm not ready to conclude that "nothing is wrong". Unfortunately, from what I've heard, vague ailments like this can be incredibly hard to diagnose, and even when there is a diagnosis, there aren't necessarily any effective treatments. :([/quote]

Number one, make sure she is getting enough sleep. The doc could be wrong so ask for a very thorough exam if you suspect illness. Beyond that, if your daughter stays home she must be in her room. No tv or electronics all day. No after school activities. If complaining of a stomach ache, serve a bland diet. Take away anything that can possibly be making home more comfortable than school. I say this based on your doc not finding evidence of illness. If after making staying home as boring as possible, she's still complaining, ask the doc for blood work.  If you suspect she's malingering, share your concerns with the school health room staff. Tell them not to call unless there are obvious signs of illness.

I was much like your daughter in middle school. It worsened the more I was allowed to stay home. My issue was gym class. See if you can find a pattern for when she shows up at the health room. [/quote]

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