Reply to People who will do anything for others, but very little for their spouse?

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[quote=Anonymous]Does anyone have any insight on this type of person, their motivations, reasons behind this behavior?

In this case it's my DH, but both sexes can be like this.  With friends, co-workers, acquaintances, people he hardly even knows, he will "take the shirt off their back" for them.  He will do too much for these people and lacks boundaries with them, having a hard time saying no.  He gets good feelings from helping and going the extra mile.  Example: changing his schedule/cancelling his own plans he wanted to do, just to help a friend/co-worker with something that could wait a day or two, or even a week (not an emergency).  He will change things and do it that day because that is when the friend/co-worker wants to do it, when they just asked last minute.

With me, he can hardly be empathetic, helpful, supportive, or even very kind.  It's like he has too many boundaries with me - like the opposite from the way he is with others.  Anything he has to do for the me is almost too much, even just listening to me briefly say why I had a bad day, or saying "I'm sorry you're sick".  Once in counseling, he said he didn't think he had to listen to stuff like that from me (saying I had a bad day).  He even resents normal obligations as a spouse, but stuff he would have to do if he was single anyway.  I do a lot on my own and expect very little (and don't complain about that either).  But for instance, if something breaks, he is the one to look at it because he knows how to repair things.  However, he doesn't see this as a normal part of life, but resents it.  Having to make the effort to communicate about something or nurture the marriage is too much.  
had

Of course it is worse now that the marriage is struggling, but I can look back and see he was always more eager and happier to help others during the many years things were good.  Even then, it was usually a big effort and not a good thing for him when he had to "be there for me".  And I am a very independent person who doesn't ask for much help/support, so it's not a problem with me being too needy.[/quote]

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