Reply to What is "slut shaming" and why is it wrong?

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Reply to "What is "slut shaming" and why is it wrong?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Good question, and a very important topic. Thank you for caring enough to be willing to ask and learn about others' points of view on this. Many people wouldn't even do that much.

As I see it, "slut shaming" is feeling, thinking, saying, etc. that a female's (it's always the girl -- I'll get back to that point) personal identity and self-worth is heavily dependent on who she is sleeping with if anyone, and that having sex inherently reflects badly on her character. There can be legitimate practical reasons why you would want to suggest your DD (or DS!) should avoid having sex in high school -- safety, emotional consequences, family values saying sex is incredibly special and should be saved for situations in which it will be cherished as meaningful (i.e. waiting for a committed adult relationship, or marriage, or whatever you believe), etc. But I personally don't think one of those reasons should have to be "think of your reputation" or "you'll look really trashy". That is when it becomes slut shaming, and unfortunately slut shaming is a pervasive idea in our culture. Kids grow up with it, it's ingrained as an instinctive reaction for most people thinking about the idea of sex, and it is often seen as normal and correct. Ugh.

Why is slut shaming wrong? Loads of reasons, IMO. Among them:
 I think it's pretty creepy, and usually sexist, to judge someone based on if they're having sex, or how much and with whom they are having it. Sex is a beautiful, private, good thing that should not be cheapened by gossip or made 'dirty' like that.

It's sexist because, well, it's "slut" shaming and I have never once heard that term applied to a guy. It always seems to be the girl who gets blamed and has her reputation ruined for being trashy. The kind of sexual activity that leads to slut shaming is going to involve two people at least, and if one of the people is a guy why wouldn't his actions have been equally objectionable? Note that this isn't saying we should start judging and tearing down guys who have a lot of casual sex, because I don't. I don't think that should happen at all. But if it does happen the fact that it's almost always limited to heaping judgement on the girl is a very big problem, IMO, and points to serious issues our culture has with gender.

I don't like the idea of "shaming" anyone for anything other than immoral acts (things like violence, purposeful harm to another, purposeful deceitfulness -- IMO those things are what rise to the level of shameful) and I don't view consensual sex as immoral, no matter the situation. A profoundly bad idea in some situations, yes. Shameful as long as there was consent, no. And if there was lack of consent, the ONLY person I think should feel shame from this is the one who did the violating not the one whose boundaries were ignored. Our culture has problems with this last bit, too, but that's another topic entirely.

I have a problem with the messages that "slut shaming" sends about sex. I grew up with a very strong slut shaming paradigm and value being placed on maintaining sexual purity as a young person, which did keep me a virgin through college but also gave me some serious issues surrounding sex, intimacy, relationships, and my identity as a female sexual being, that it took me a while to unpack and thoughtfully work through in my 20s.

Think about the message it is sending about how girls should define their self-worth. See the point immediately above. I have serious issues with the implicit message being sent to females any time slut shaming happens.[/quote]

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