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[quote=Anonymous]I'll give a bit of background and then ask my question.

Me: Mid Forties, Married, three kids age 13,12,10, moved to the south 20 years ago

Mother: Mid Sixties, Divorced (not amicable and does not get along with Father who lives in the same state that I do and to whom I get along well), lives in my hometown, Stay at home mom whose last child left home more than 10 years ago.

I have always had to be the one to call her.  She literally has never called me except for my birthday.  About 6 years ago I pleaded with her to have a closer relationship with my kids.  Her response was that she was happy with her relationship as it was.  She is warm with them when she sees them (once a year but has means to make this happen far more often) and if you spoke to her separately she is very proud of being a great grandmother (which she is clearly not).  Unlike some other the others on this board, she is not unkind or mean but just can't be bothered.

I am tired of always having to make the calls.  I told her this many times in the past and she has always said that she likes things the way that they are.  Entering into 2015, I decided that I would call her back exactly the number of times that she calls.  IE If she calls, I will converse and the "ball" will be in my court to call her.  I don't have the energy to fight with her about this and frankly I am kind of sick and tired of always having to be the one that calls.

I called and spoke with her on January 1st for 1/2 hour and had a pleasant conversation.  She spoke with the kids for a couple of minutes and all in all was good.  I have heard nothing from her since until yesterday.  She texted me asking what DS wants for his upcoming birthday.

Instead of texting back, I called her last night.  I had her talk with the three kids first and was going to talk to her when she was done talking to the kids.  The last child to speak with her was my 13 year old DD who I whispered to her that I wanted to talk to her.  I heard DD tell my mother this.  However when DD handed my the phone, she said that grandma had to hangup due to an appointment.

I am so fed up with the nonsense of dealing with her.  In everything in her life she is always the victim and has the woe is me mentality.  Life of course sucks at times but she is unreal about pushing this into almost every area of her life.  My brother died of a drug overdose 5 years ago.  He was a couple of years younger that I am and got along with her.  He was clearly her favorite child (I am my fathers favorite) but she has now turned this into a drama of near biblical proportions.  The month of his death and the month of his birthday (which are 4 months apart) have her in near tears for months.  She pines for him and has told brother #3 (my youngest brother) that she can't wait until she dies do that she can see him again.  Brother #3 was obviously upset as he had his first child just months before.

Question

What should I do?  I am not willing to invest a whole of energy into this.  I have a great family and I need to spend my time and energy with them.

#1 - Stop taking calls and alienate myself from her?

#2 - Use the volley system of calling? (EI I call only if called, after having a conversation with her)

#3 - Continue me calling her?

I no longer try to change other people as I have learned that other people rarely change and even more rarely change based on other peoples desires.  As I type this out (which has some therapeutic value) I'm not even sure I want to continue the conversations with her that are is if nothing is wrong and that our relationship and her relationship with the kids is great.  I certainly don't want to continue calling her the once a week that I had done for years.

Anyone been through something like this?

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