Reply to Vent. I'm a slave.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't care that he doesn't do it my way. I know I'm type A and like things done a certain way. I've let go of that. I just want things done and he is a grown ass man. [/quote]

You may think you've done this, but it sounds like you really haven't.

My observations:

You view yourself as a task-master. You not only want to tell him what to do, but also HOW to do it. But, you're not actually in charge, and this sort of attitude really is a vicious cycle. He resents being assigned a task in the first place, and then to be criticized for his performance of said task later only causes him to care less. If there's no pleasing you, what's the point of trying after a while? Think about it -- does he ever assign you tasks? Probably not, since men generally don't do this. But what if he came up and announced, "the tub is dirty -- I need you to clean it. Be sure to use Comet, and rinse it really good. Take care not to spill any Comet on the rug, as it will bleach the color out." And then, after you complete the task, he comes in and complains that you missed a spot. I'm guessing that you're behaving more like this than you realize.

Also, in all likelihood, you also probably do not notice or value things he DOES do around the house. I don't know what those things might be -- it varies from family to family. But, say he's the only one who walks the dogs. Or picks up the dog crap when it accumulates in the yard. Or changes the light bulbs. Or balances the check book. Or cleans the stairs. Or changes the furnace filters. Or whatever.

So, my advice is to stop feeling so put-upon. He's not your employee, so stop treating him like one.

[/quote]

I agree with this post but only to a point.  My DH does something similar, and it bugs me.  DH clears up after dinner because I cooked. Great.  But, cleaning up doesn't just mean putting the dishes away.  It does mean cleaning up the pots/pans and wiping the crumbs off the table/counter.  If the person who is supposed to be cleaning is not doing this, then who is?   Should we just leave the pots/pans dirty on the stove and crumbs on the table?    I don't tell my DH "how" to clean, but if he is going to do it, then do it completely, not half the job.  That's what OP is stating.  That her H is doing a half-ass job, not that he's not doing it "her" way.

OP - I just politely ask my DH if he could wipe down the table, too.  But inside, it does bug me that I have to tell him to do that.  I'm hoping that eventually he will just get used to doing it.  This is not an area that I want to fight over.[/quote]

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