Reply to feeling hurt about husband and mother-in-law's behavior

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "feeling hurt about husband and mother-in-law's behavior"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]My mother in law is celebrating her 70th birthday and 40th wedding anniversary next month. My husband asked me to hire a special graphic design firm and party planning company to design a custom invitation and theme concept for the party. We had used the designed for my son's baptism and our wedding invitations and my mother-in-law had mentioned to my husband how amazing the invitations were and how she would like to use their design services in the future. I spent several weeks working with a designer to incorporate my mother-in-law's very specific tastes into the invitations. I had to pay a rush fee as she got involved in the party planning and started changing the venue, caterer, tone of the event, etc. My husband and I had her approval of the proofs. She had a really complicated concept and the invitations turned out beautifully. She asked us to order 75, including custom envelope liners, colored envelopes and addressed return envelopes. This morning on the walk to work, my husband announces to me that his mom has chosen to go with an order from the book paper goods store in her hometown. This is after I've shelled out a $75 design fee, $125 rush fee and $4/invitation, meaning I've spent $500. Now they are not even going to be used! Needless to say, I was very hurt. I felt so small and like my feelings were not valued. My MIL decided she wanted something "more whimsical" (she is the most stick in the mud, formal and old school, as in 1950s person I've ever met) and wanted to go a different direction. I have an infant son, a full time job and an in progress rehab house. $500 is a lot of money to me! Especially for invites that are not going to be used, not to mention my professional relationship with the design firm.

The invitations were beautiful. High quality linen paper, letterpress, custom floral liners (my MIL is a master gardner) with a signature motif. We had also designed party swag (napkins, decorations, paper products) to be ordered this week after the RSVPs came in.

My husband is the eager to please son who has spent his entire life trying to get approval from his mom. His dad is a drunk--something I just found out about this year after being in a relationship with my husband for 8 years and married to him for five-- and his mom is a total B. She is a racist, narcissist big fish in a small pond who thinks she is the world's gift. I call her formal title and last name (husband too). She insists on being adddressed even on informal correspondence like a Christmas present or thank you note as "Mrs. Husband's Full Name" rather than her own name or an informal name. For example, when I send something to my grandma or parents I just write their first and last names. I've tried to be a good daughter in law and respectful of them, even though they have serious issues and treat me poorly. It was my idea to throw the party and celebrate.

I was trying to do something nice for her and she goes around and does this. My husband is no better and I am livid. It is a big week in our family and I feel like he has ruined it by dropping this bombshell on me. He is a really cheap person normally except when his mom is concerned. I was so hurt and crushed. I can't believe they would ask me to spend time on the design and revision process, work with the designer, etc, just to not use the invites and order other ones.

My husband and I got into a big fight and I spent the morning in tears. Our in laws will be at our house this week for my son's birthday weekend and I really am dreading their visit and this just made it worse. I've sucked up my feelings for my husband and son's sake--I want them to have a good relationship with their family. However I'm sick of being treated like a third class citizen by these jerks--including my husband. Last time they were in town, my drunk FIL peed all over my basement carpet in front of a house full of guest and my MIL rolled on the floor putting her legs behind her head in a yoga pose for my parents, called my parents "new money", used a racial slur multiple times to describe people, commented on our decor, landscaping and family, called my relatives "fat" since they took a cab home to the hotel rather than walk the half mile.

My parents can't stand them and are staying at a hotel in our neighborhood. I felt like it was a lot of pressure to host guests while also hosting the party, but didn't say anything. They are extremely wealthy so money is not an issue as far as getting a hotel. My "new money" parents always stay at a hotel in our neighborhood as there are several within walking distance.

If you were me, what would you do? I don't think I am strong enough to call my mother in law and tell her how hurt I am. My husband called her and told her and she said she felt a lot of pressure and got the other invites in three days. What a B! I mean, who does that?

I thought about drafting her an email just telling her how I felt really hurt especially since it was expensive and she had approved the design (and come up with the concept in the first place). The B doesn't use email or a cell phone. She doesn't even know how to.

I honestly don't feel like interacting with her this weekend or going to her party. I won't keep my son or husband from attending, but I'm respectfully decline.

What would you do? 
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics