Reply to Marriage counseling--what actually happens?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So how do I ensure the therapist will focus on helping us, not dwelling on background info? If it's not helpful then DH will not want to continue and I will have lost my chance. I don't know anyone in real life who has gone to marriage counseling so I can't ask for recs. I've done a search through my insurance and there's a ton, so don't really know where to start.

We are in upcounty MoCo, so the usual recommendations on this site won't really apply to us. We can't get to DC or Bethesda during the week.

-OP[/quote]

OP this is suspiciously sounding like you are doing all the work and he has some sort of veto power that you dont.  And like you just get this ONE chance. What gives??  Why isnt HE thinking about what kind of counseling you two should have? Is he just going to "please" you? If  so, let me assure you, it wont work.[/quote]

He doesn't believe in therapy although I think he would agree to try it if I felt strongly about it. But the therapist would have to give concrete advice, or else he will think it's useless. Another concern is that we'd end up bickering about what we talked about in therapy. If so, then it's not worth it. If DH would go to therapy just to please me and that won't work, any suggestions for what will work?

I feel a lot of resentment toward him in regard to how involved a parent he is, and there is also a lot of score keeping. We've started bickering in front of DS, which I always promised myself I'd avoid doing, since I grew up in that type of environment and hated it. We need to get to a better place in our marriage. I am the OP of the "involved dads" thread last week.

-OP[/quote]

Im not familiar with the thread, but overall I would recommend trying to read some of the Gottman books. They literally contain the best concrete evidence of what works in relationships - and the WHY behind what is working.

Resentment is never a good thing. I assume you have tried to set up a schedule of tasks and just divide it?

If there is an impasse reached its helpful to isolate if its "just about" the issues or if its become more about the core of the relationship itself.

Im recently seprarated from a toxic relationship. My experience was that therapy did no good whatsoever in getting my husband to see /acknowledge/do anything about the hideous imbalances in our relationship. he did agree to therapy but used therapy to bamboozle the therapist by acting all complicit. Then wouldnt deliver. :([/quote]

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