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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Please give me some advice.

Over the past three years I have become very close friends with another mom, and it's safe to say we are best friends. She's genuinely a very good person and we have had many fun and good times together. However, like all good people, she has her faults and one fault is that she is a little selfish. She takes more than she gives. I repeatedly inconvenience myself for her and she almost never does for me (late night emotional support for a crisis in her marriage; giving her the name and number of the math tutor I use for my DD for her son; picking up her son from extracurriculars if she's completely unable to, etc). She's definitely shown that she cares in other ways - she give me good advice, she praises me in front of others, etc. But I do know that I repeatedly make myself available to do favors for her [b]even though she doesn't care enough to stay up late with me when I'm really upset about something or just inconvenience herself in any way.[/b]

And it's my fault. I have low self-esteem, I was really eager to please and thrilled to find a great new friend after being a lonely new transplant to DC with an introverted, quiet DH, I subconsciously don't believe I deserve equal treatment in a friendship (though, surprisingly, my marriage is quite ok!). I think it is partly because I perceive my friend to be better than me: more social and entertaining, wittier, etc. I know, it's my bad self-esteem that is enabling her own issues with entitlement, selfishness, etc.

The issue is I want to break this pattern of behavior. I do want to keep this friendship - maybe not quite so close - but on more even terms, and I think I have to be the one to change my behavior to make that happen. How do you re-set boundaries gradually and nicely, without shaking things up too aggressively? And more importantly how do you do it in a way that will keep your friend?[/quote]

How do you know that she will not do this? Have you asked her and she just refused? Are you sure that she even knows that you want this?

I think I can be like your friend sometimes. I've had relationships where I found out that the other person was annoyed with me because they did something for me and felt that I did not do it for them. But I would have been perfectly happy to if asked. [/quote]

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