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[quote=Anonymous]So it got back to me that my husband complains about me to this single woman with whom works and goes out for drinks.  Strangely, I don't think it would bother me so much if he vented about me with a male coworker.  But I actually don't think he should make a habit of venting about me at work.  Talk to your buddies, your priest, your therapist, or here's a game changer, problem solve with the wife herself.

I asked him to stop sharing details about our personal life with her.  He claims that he had no idea that it is generally a bad idea to share like that with another woman from work.  We are both in our middle forties.

The complaints are related to my parenting - I don't spank, I'm permissive, not authoritarian, but my children are super polite and get compliments about their manners.  The children are from my first marriage - I was widowed at 28.  I'm a coupon cutter and budget conscious lady, but that gets spun into being unpleasant.  I also tend to be a workaholic which can put me behind on chores at home.  I've offered to pay for a housekeeper, but he says no one in his culture does that.  I think he also complains that we are in DC because i wanted to be here.  In addition,  He also makes semi indirect comparisons that this lady is an "old soul" , is so funny, has a good heart, is spiritually elevated, is a real "go getter."  I never get compliments like that.  The content of our arguments have been shared with her.  He also suggests I'm not as clever as she is.  He doesn't like the decisions i made with my siblings about elder care for my mom.  And so on.  Nit picky complaints, but I wouldn't like the person he describes as me.  yet when we're alone together, I feel he likes me fine.

Are guys really that clueless?  Is he giving me a line?  Am I over-reacting? From my side, I would describe my husband and I getting along well, I feel like he's always been my best friend, we are both still attracted to one another, and we generally have fun when we spend time together, we laugh a lot.  I know it will come up, so I will go ahead and add it:  our intimate life as satisfying. passionate, frequent.  actually that's the only thing he compliments us on, but Not to her, and furthermore, i don't think that's anyones business either.

I also avoid deeply confiding in male friends; it's never been asked of me not to do that, but I think it's wise to protect out marriage from intruders.  I've never felt I was giving anything up or losing out by doing that, rather I felt I was investing in protecting our marriage.  I have lots of female friends.

Interested to hear both men and women's take.  I guess I don't buy that he didn't KNOW I would get upset and this is completely an innocent mistake.[/quote]

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