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[quote=Anonymous]You have every right to be deeply bothered.

-he misled you about where he was and what he was doing
-it sounds like he spent time with a mixed group, a group that had young, pretty, unattached women who were out drinking with him, which has you a little threatened since it was done under a lie, not out in the open.
-while he was doing that, you, in contrast, were working, holding down the fort, not out drinking with attractive men, but fulfilling your role as wife and mother at home, while he implied he was doing the same going to school.
-this happened over a fairly long period of time.

The result of being treated in this way is that now you feel much less than special, you feel taken advantage of, you're questioning what your spouse is all about since he made clearly self serving decisions at your expense, and being misled over a long period of time abused your trust.

This isn't a one time "I'm sorry and it's over."  PP was right on the money that this requires some major repair.

Give yourself a break and let him know that this made you feel uncared for in major ways and it's impacting you.  Try not to be angry, try to focus on how this made you feel.

Even though it looks innocent on the part of your husband, the resulting impact of being lied to for you will feel very similar as if he actually did have an affair.  It sucks because he probably won't get that and he didn't have an affair.

I could see this as much less serious if this happened once in a while, I don't mention everything to my husband, nor he to me.  the deliberate planning of this over a long time makes this different.

Does that make sense?

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