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[quote=Anonymous]DH and I are going through an extremely rocky patch. There is wide-spread verbal abuse -- loud, insulting, frightening, on occasion, public -- directed at me or the children. Within minutes of everybody getting home from work and school (we both work), our "home" explodes with expletives, slammed doors, kids sent away to their rooms, and yelled at using the loudest, meanest sounds a man can make. Like the poster on some other thread, I have tried to frame this as a mental issue that needs treatment, and go about finding a solution. That brought us to this family therapist, someone who strongly believes in helping couples stay together, rather than helping them through the separation path. DH showed up, but refused to engage initially, then presented a long list of "faults" (mine) to an individual meeting. The therapist decided he only wanted to work with me.

We are now about 2 months into this "working with me" phase, and we still don;t have a plan. I guess I selected this therapist because he was a male, so DH would feel less "bossed around", and because he was willing to guide us to a healthier relationship rather than jump on the divorce bandwagon. But if I am going to see him for myself, I'm not at all sure he is the person I need to be seeing -- I leave angry and diminished every time, instead of inspired and ready to try new things. I feel like he's trying to shape me to conform to a womanhood ideal straight from the 50s. It might soothe some problems immediately, but I am not that person, and I doubt DH would ultimately want that transformation. I realize that it was not going to be easy, but does this sound right?

I would still like a suggestion for a great psychologist who can work with DH. And some advice on whether I should seek out personal counselling and leave the family therapy for the time when DH is a bit calmer, hopefully with some treatment and maybe a different therapist. Is this just bad family therapy, or exactly what family therapy is?

Is "marriage-friendly therapy" a code word for therapy suited perhaps for a more traditional family than ours?

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