Reply to Anyone figured out a way to be happy in a loveless marriage or is it always utterly miserable?

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Reply to "Anyone figured out a way to be happy in a loveless marriage or is it always utterly miserable?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Spouse and I are obviously no longer in love. We've been through some really tough trials in recent years that I don't want to detail here to remain anonymous, and our kids are young so I know that's always a tough phase. But this has been going on for years and isn't improving. We've have had a lot of counseling, at my initiative, to try make things better. It's obvious spouse does not love me any more and doesn't have any interest in putting in the work to make things better, as the counselors have suggested. I'm also fed up and don't feel any passion any more. We have sex once or twice a month, but it's forced and unsatisfying. We don't have deep conversations or hardly any time one-on-one, which I tried for a long time to initiate but without any effort in return. Most of our interactions leave me annoyed and frustrated at the way spouse handles things. But I don't see divorce as the answer, since I'd still be dealing with an ex over the kids all the time and probably even more frustrated.

We have very different outlooks on life, and I constantly beat myself up for this marriage choice. It was a bad one. I've spent the last few years considering whether to divorce or not and we have discussed it many times. Constantly thinking about it is exhausting and instead I would like to put that behind us and just commit. We are both very hands-on parents and very bonded to the kids. We don't want to split custody and make them live between two homes. I can't bear the thought of less time with our kids, and frankly also can't bear the thought of making my kids spend time away from my spouse because they are so adoring of us both. I also think financially divorce will be so hard on all of us, and the kids would have to give up things like music lessons and camps and college funds. I'd like to do everything I can to keep us together and try to be happy as co-parents.

My spouse works and travels a lot in a new job taken on in the past year, so we don't see each other much any more and that's actually made things a little better. I'm trying to do everything I can to make myself happy and the best I can be -- eating right, exercising, getting good rest, enjoying good books, being productive at work, seeing friends and just being a kind and thoughtful person. I'm also trying to focus on the good things in our life -- my spouse is kind to me even if not adoring, we are all healthy, we have a good joint income that affords some luxuries. We love each other's families and all the in-laws are close. Our kids are very well-adjusted, well-mannered, bright and happy.

But there's this underlying sadness to my life because I am married to someone who doesn't love me and I don't really love, either. Anyone made a happy life from a situation like this? I've even considered whether we should explore an open marriage to see other people, but the idea grosses me out and I have no interest. Counseling, vacations, date nights have all been tried and haven't worked, and my spouse isn't into doing any of it any more. TIA[/quote]

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