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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]this was me in grad school. Trust me, you're doing him no favors by dragging him back into a relationship you don't want to be in. let him find someone who loves him and is not just using him for an emotional tampon. You are being cowardly--not because you're afraid to break up, but because you're prioritizing your feelings over his. You act like you aren't, but in fact you're scared of the fallout and how bad you will feel if you break up. You are also not giving him the benefit of the doubt that he is, in fact, strong enough to get over you.

If you really care about him, end it cleanly and don't drag him back.

and then, spend some time figuring out why you stuck it out so long when you knew it wasn't working. 
[/quote]

As a guy who has been put through this, and, much more recently, having watched a woman I was involved with do this to another guy (she broke up with him, said "let's be friends" when he clearly continued to want me, and kept him as plan B while she dated several other people after we broke up, ultimately starting a family with plan B), do the right thing and let him go.  If you love him, then you will want the best for him, which is someone who loves him unreservedly and is happy in a relationship with him, and that someone is not you.

You are not a bad person for dumping him; on the contrary: not dumping him makes you a bad person.  I agree with the other advice about getting therapy to see why you are afraid of letting him go when you know you really aren't happy.

Oh, and that "friends after the breakup" crap? It's crap.  I have an ex-wife (16 year marriage) and we are amicable (friendly) and look out for each other to the extent our paths cross, but we are not hang-out buddies.   There's too much non-buddy history for most people.  [/quote]

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