Reply to What's better for the kids - bad marriage or divorce?

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[quote=Anonymous]The consensus is that it depends on how bad your marriage is, and what the divorce would be like.  Fighting divorced parents sucks too, and then you have all the other negatives of being divorced-- the schlepping back and forth, the finances, etc.  If you can't get along now, why would you be able to get along better as divorced people?  You will be divorced-parenting for a long, long time-- and then you will be divorced grandparenting (and having half as much time with your grandkids).  You will never really be free of your ex.

Divorce is not a guarantee of happiness.  Second marriages have a really high failure rate, if you can even find someone.  And even if you do, life can be really, really hard with new partners, stepchildren, in-laws, etc.  Even if everyone gets along and is nice to one another, it is really hard to work out all the logistics of two households.  Everyone feels like they are giving a lot and not getting enough.

Some kids cope well with divorce, others not so well, and it's hard to know how your kids will react.  And of course, you really have almost no control over your ex's parenting and choice of new partner.  Google "Trisha Conlon" if you don't believe me.  So if parenting choices are a point of disagreement, that will likely get worse.  It's hard for kids to go back and forth between two very different parenting styles.  It can be really hard for your kids for a long, long time-- at their weddings, and into adulthood as they try to juggle two parents in different locations, multiple holidays, etc.

So with all of that, since your kids are little, at least try to ride it out.  It's a really low point in a lot of marriages.  Your best bet is to find a way to stop fighting in front of the kids.

The words that come out of your mouth are always your choice.  So I suggest you try to make better choices.[/quote]

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