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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A lot of SN kids behave a lot better at school than they do at home.  In fact a lot of kids do.  This is due to a variety of factors.  Some kids hold it together at school and then lose it at the end of the day at home due to the strain of keeping it together.  Or some kids' medications wear off at the end of the day.  Some educators are more skilled/experienced than parents (like your friend) at handling misbehavior and will not put up with it, so kids know the rules and the consequences and do in fact act better.  It's easier for a teacher to give a consequence than it is for a parent.  It just is.

And if this boy walked on a table a few times at school, it seems that the school dealt with that effectively and appropriately.  I'm not sure what you are looking for here.  Validation that he is a troublemaker at school as well as at home?  A chance to micromanage his IEP?  Hectoring the mother?

OP, what are your goals in this situation?  This isn't reality tv.  This is a young boy.  You say you are an educator.  Students don't get "asked to leave" public schools.  If a placement is inappropriate, that placement is changed.

I've followed your post for the last couple of days and while I don't think you are a troll, I think you are mean-spirited and I seriously question your good will in this situation.   You say this is like watching a car crash.  Well, you remind me exactly of people who gather around a car crash to rubberneck, for absolutely no reason -- MOVE ON.  Drop this friend because you are not a friend to her.[/quote]

Sigh. This is the kind of response I was dreading. I think I've been pretty damn clear about WHY I'm posting, and what I wanted to accomplish. If you reread what I said, you'll see that the child's PARENT told me that he acts the same way at school as he does elsewhere. I didn't post every single inappropriate behavior that John does at school (that Jane told me, that the TEACHER told her), because I wasn't there to see them. But, I believe Jane (what reason would she have to EXAGGERATE her son's behavior at school?).

Also, they are like family to me, and I have SEEN how John acts. I have been given dirty looks and sharp words when we go out, because of him. Many times we've had to cut outings short because he was out of control (restaurants, playgrounds, museums, grocery stores). My son loves John, but acts worse when John is around. Whenever they visit, I have a huge cleanup and a garbage bag full of broken stuff when they go. I may be a doormat for putting up with it, but I am not a bad friend!

I posted on an anonymous board, trying to balance discretion with giving enough detail for everyone to understand the situation-- because I am worried about this kid, and it FINALLY looks like Jane might be in a place to receive advice. So, I wanted to get as much good advice from the DCUM SN forum as I could. I would like to help STOP the "car crash," if possible. If I was in that position, I'd like someone to do the same for me. I've gotten tons of good advice about my ASD son from other parents.

As for students being asked to leave public schools, yes, that is actually possible. However, I teach at a PRIVATE school (don't assume, please).

I KNOW everything you said in your first paragraph, because as I said, I am an experienced educator, and have my own SN kid. In fact, I'm generally the "SN Whisperer" (my colleagues' term, so don't yell at me) in our elementary department. I am the teacher who is given the challenging kids, and I'm often asked for advice when a SN/discipline issue comes up in someone else's class. I'm sure you won't believe that  :roll:  but it is true.

I don't think I implied anywhere that I wanted to micromanage John's IEP (how on earth would I, even?). I have helped build students' IEPs and 504 plans. I have been through the whole process with my ds, so the lack of behavioral supports and goals raised a red flag for me. As I said in my first post, I'm worried that his school isn't giving him the education he needs and deserves. I wanted to hear what others thought.

I'm mystified at what I've done that shows I'm "not a friend" to Jane. She's lost friends because of John, but I've stuck with her. I don't gossip about her and John (unless you're counting this thread, which is just strange). I'm willing to risk our longstanding friendship to try and improve her son's schooling (and possibly adult outcome). Whatever.

Thank you to the posters who actually offered help.   [/quote]

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