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Parenting -- Special Concerns
Reply to "How to improve relations with his girlfriend"
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[quote=Anonymous]My ex and I have been divorced for a three years. We have a 5yo daughter together and have a cordial relationship. I would consider us to be friends, though not super close friends. I am remarried (this spring), and Ex has been dating a woman since around the time I got married. The relationship is very serious - they have met each other's parents, DD has met her parents and DD considers the girlfriend to be family (as evidenced by girlfriend being included in DD's drawings of her family for a school project this fall). I think this is all great and am truly happy that my ex is happy. I hope that they get married and live happily ever after. I know that DD would love this, and frankly, what I know of Girlfriend indicates that she's a great stepmom and girlfriend. There has been some static, however, about the good relationship Ex and I have and his family's continued positive interactions with me. I am on good terms with his mom (though she was a nightmare mother in law and I'm glad to never have to go visit her again), and when his dad comes to town, we get coffee, etc. The last time his dad came to town, Girlfriend was upset that I "insinuated myself" (her words, related to me by Ex) into a conversation that was happening when I was bringing DD over for the weekend as scheduled. The "insinuation" in question was that I came in when Ex opened the front door, greeted his father and made small talk for approximately 3 minutes before going on my way. I greeted Girlfriend as well, and she sort of nodded but didn't say anything or make eye contact. Later, Ex told me that they'd had an argument about it - the part about me insinuating myself into a conversation - and that he thought it would be best if he and I did not interact on matters unrelated to DD. This was fine with me, since it's what was already happening and I figured that when their relationship was a bit more established, she would maybe get over it. That was 4 months ago. This morning, I dropped DD off at Ex's house for Christmas and Girlfriend answered the door. She did not say anything to me, even after I said "Happy Christmas Eve, Girlfriend!" - just said good morning to DD. Ex came to the door and we had a brief conversation about when he would bring DD over on Boxing Day, and then I left. The more I think about it, the more this bothers me. Part of me knows that Ex and Girlfriend are still in a relatively new relationship and are probably still figuring out their dynamic. I also do not expect Girlfriend and I to be best friends, but it would be nice if she could, at the very least, engage in run of the mill politeness. This is especially of concern because Ex travels a fair amount and the last time he was gone for an extended period of time, DD asked if she could go over to Girlfriend's house to see her dog and spend time with Girlfriend. I have no problem with that idea, and completely support DD developing positive relationships with important adults in her dad's life, but I just do not see that arrangement working if Girlfriend cannot even look at me or say good morning. I have no idea how to talk to Ex about this. We otherwise have a really good relationship, are generally on the same page about parenting stuff, and he has a decent, cordial relationship with MY husband such that if I was gone for an extended period of time and DD wanted to see DH, Ex would just call DH and invite him over. Any ideas? [/quote]
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