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[quote=Anonymous]on the surface, it seems ridiculous that i cried over this

backstory - brothers are younger and live in the same city. one brother is married. i live in same city as my parents.

brothers come to our city fairly frequently - maybe every 5 or 6 weeks. they get into "home" mode and see their friends, go out super late, get up at 11am, stay in their pajamas til 3... over the past year, DH and our 2 kids drop everything and head over for my parents whenever a brother is in town. we hang out waiting for them to get up, have a nice brunch together and spend the day at my parents. while we only live a few minutes (literally) away, they NEVER offer to come over. in fact, if they are invited, they are likely to say "we'd rather stay at mom's. can you come here?" meanwhile, i would be dropping people, changing plans, etc just to try to see my brothers for a little bit,

i finally had enough last time and told my mother that i felt hurt that they never visit us and barely spend time with our kids. she said that it was their right, that they're coming home, that they also have friends here - etc. all sounded very reasonable and i told her i was not going to drop everything for them anymore. conversation ended.

one bro came home last wknd and spent a forced 45 min at our house, during which time, he refused ti play with the kids and surfed tv. he's young - just graduated from college - but used to be a total sweetheart, used to babysit sometimes, spent a lot of time with our kids during his breaks, so while i guess his behavior is normal-ish for being young, it was just annoying to me,

then, other brother and wife decided to come down this wknd (we don't celebrate Xmas) and are bringing younger sib with them. i emailed my brother and asked if he wanted to do a specific fun holiday thing with us - he was vague. i told him that i already have plans to see a friend on sat, so i need him to tell me if i should cancel. no reply. mother cornered me today and is totally upset that i would see a friend when brothers are in town. i told her that brother never really got back to me and doesn't seen interested in the plan, told her that he had been vague and that i didn't want to clear my schedule to find out that he barely has time for us, or to sit around waiting for him to shower or to wake up. i told her that after younger bro came last wknd, DS said "uncle marty is never going to play legos with me, is he?" (he had asked multiple times). she told me that she would bring the sibs over and bring brunch, too, so that i could entertain in my house. we are having tons of work done and i just don't have the energy to be doing dishes for all 9 of us by hand - or even the cleaning/prepping that would be required. we had a huge argument about this. in a restaurant. where i started to cry.

why am i so upset?  why couldn't i be a grown up and just say "i'll do my own thing for lunch, mom, let's plan on meeting up later."
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