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[quote=Anonymous]I married someone who had very good career prospects which immediately ground to a halt once we had kids. The expectation -- well reality -- is that I am the sole means for our family to survive. I had to make peace with that because I wouldn't have married my wife had I known that she didn't value her career enough to keep working and just assumed I would be okay with being the sole income earner because I make more.

I just never, ever wanted a spouse to be a full time stay at home parent. Part of it is, quite frankly, an attraction thing. I found my wife's intelligence and career drive attractive. Part of it is pragmatic. My wife honestly isn't the best at running a home full time, finds it overwhelming (often bails once I am home because she had it up to here with the kids), and is quite frankly bored. Our ability to connect as adults outside of parents is disappearing by the month.

Coming home to someone who is slowly but surely turning into a person I would have never, ever been attracted to is disconcerting (pintrest obsessed and into how things look versus the nuts and bolts of running a house -- think dirty laundry everywhere and no dinner but gorgeous crafts she made with the kids and pinned). She goes on about how difficult it is to be home, but honestly it's a freaking choice, so my willingness to care is somewhat diminished when faced with the amount of stuff left for me to deal with once I walk in the door.

Our kids are small and the oldest one is in preschool. I am going to put the younger one in preschool in a year and then stand by and see what happens. I am praying that my wife will get her shit together once the excuse of small children isn't so accessible.

People don't like being defaulted into the main breadwinner unless they really, really agree to it. There's a thread about the ultimatum couple who ended up divorcing because of this (although there is a ton of bs about introvert/extrovert, it's really this issue that killed that couple).

Are there any stories of couples we bounced back from this? I know I have resentment, but I really need to hold onto the idea that this is a common thing and roles change as the kids get older.[/quote]

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