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[quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry, OP - elder care is really tough!  As someone with an elder parent in CT who did a stint of direct elder care in CT (with my other parent who died) and now is down in VA, there are advantages and disadvantages of her staying in CT vs. VA.

In general, CT has a much more robust social services system for elders, and there are more programs available if your MIL needs financial assistance beyond Medicare.  Some states have opted to use Medicaid waivers to design unique elder-care programs like Home Care for Elders, which uses Medicaid funds to provide in-home care providers for elders who can be somewhat independent and don't need full nursing care.  Virginia happens to be much more stingy with that stuff.

Of course, the main advantage of having her down here is it will make it easier for your DH to coordinate her care and provide her with direct support.  Trying to do it from a distance is exponentially more difficult.  In my case, I have opted to keep my mom in CT because we got her accepted into a program that provides Medicaid (Title 19 in CT) funds for her placement in an assisted living facility, which is incredibly good and perfect for her needs.  When I talked to VA folks about a similar program, they said there are like 100 spots for the entire state for this kind of a program, so the chances my mom would be accepted are pretty much nil.

Of course, if she has the funds to completely self-pay for assisted living ($3-6,000/month) then you have lots of flexibility and I would say bring her down stat.  But if you think she'll need some more financial support, start with CT.  Each region of CT has a Council on Aging that coordinates care -- in SW CT where we're from, it's called SWCAA (Southwest Connecticut Agency on Aging)...the social workers will guide you through all of the options and can evaluate your mom to see if it would be appropriate for her to be part of the Home Care Program for Elders, which could retrofit her home for assisted walking and provide her with things like home based occupational and physical therapy once she gets out of rehab.

Her rehab facility's social worker will be able to connect you to this agency to get the evaluation done.  It takes a couple of weeks for the appointment, and it's in person (they come to you).  You should also start getting all of her financial paperwork together...you'll need tax papers, bank statements going back 5 years, etc....if you think you'll want to see if she qualifies for some state aid beyond Medicare.

Good luck!  I know how hard it is![/quote]

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